Austenian interlude

FADE IN:

INT. Messy house with four nigh-spherical quadripedal mammelian FOOD INTAKE DEVICES scattered in various bemused poses. Stacks of PARTIALLY GRADED PAPERS, COMPLETELY UNGRADED EXAMS, RUMPLED DISSERTATION NOTES, EMPTY CARTONS OF BEN & JERRY'S COFFEE HEATH BAR CRUNCH, EXCUSE NOTES, LIBRARY BOOKS, and FOURTEEN THREE-QUARTER EMPTY MUGS OF UNIDENTIFIABLE-BUT-PROBABLY-CAFFINATED LIQUID surround a large, slowly heaving pile of LIFESAVER WRAPPERS which conceal the sticky, somnolent form of OUR HERO.

Enter the HOUSEMATE.

HOUSEMATE

You lost the big game...

Pause. The LIFESAVER WRAPPERS emit a loud SNIFF.

You have a zillion papers to grade

The LIFESAVER WRAPPERS start to whimper.

And you defend your dissertation...soon.

The LIFESAVER WRAPPERS go limp. The HOUSEMATE holds out a Norton edition of PRIDE AND PREDJUDICE.

Have a little Jane Austen.

A pair of eyes peek out of the LIFESAVER WRAPPERS. OUR HERO rises, shedding debris. The HOUSEMATE opens PRIDE AND PREJUDICE and starts reading aloud over the loud contented purring of OUR HERO.

CUE: Sappy music.

VOICEOVER

Jane Austen...for when 14 pounds of Lifesavers doesn't cut it.